الموظف الحكومي المصري علامة من علامات التاريخ، بالإضافة للآثار في ربوع مصر فإن الموظف الحكومي يستحق يكون أحد آثار العصر الحديث. تطور الموظف الحكومي المصري  غير معروف بالنسبة لي إذا كان تم كتابته وتقنينه أم لا لكن المعروف بالنسبة لي هو ما أسمعه من تجارب الجيل السابق كموظفين موقرين في الجهاز الإداري للدولة!

وتجربتي في مجتمع العمل الحكومي لمدة 3 سنوات ومستمرين!

أكتر صفة مشهور بيها الموظف الحكومي هي الحشرية! إنسان بيحشر نفسه فيما لا يعنيه! الأمر الطبيعي إنه يتدخل فقط في أمور زملائه من الموظفين لكن يمتد الأمر للتدخل في أمور المواطن المطحون اللي بييجي يخلص ورقة بيجري وراها من ساعة الفجر!

إيه هي معالم “الحشرية” عند الموظف الحكومي؟

مبدئياً الموظف الحكومي بيسمعك، بيسمعك كويس أوي، مش بس عشان هو مهتم بإنه يعرف كل تفصيلة عن حياتك بينما انت ممكن تكون متعرفش اسمه الأخير إيه مع إنه زميلك لكن عشان يرضي فضوله في الحديث!

يحضرني في هذا الشأن بعد ما توظفت في المصلحة الحكومية اللي باشتغل فيها، وأنا زي أي موظف بيقوم يخلص الأوراق المطلوبة منه قانوناً يخلصها بموجب مصلحة العمل، إن في موظفات كانوا يعرفوا اسمي بالكامل، كلية إيه وحتى محل إقامتي! وكان الموقف بيحصل مع كل الدفعة اللي اتعينت معايا في نفس الوقت. نفس الدفعة من ناحية التعيين مش من ناحية التخرج من الجامعة باختلاف أعمارنا!

الموضوع في أغلب الأوقات مضحك جداً، خصوصاً لما يحصل موقف قدامك بيتعرض فيه أحد الزملاء لتدخل زميل آخر في أموره. إلا إن الأمر وإن كان فيه بعضاً من الكوميديا في بعض الأوقات، إلا إنه كتير بيكون مؤذي نفسياً.

بيوصل الأمر إن لو حصلت مصادفة غريبة وأحد الزملاء شافك بتؤدي مهام حياتك العادية من تسوق أو حتى خروج مع العائلة، هتلاقي المصلحة الحكومية في اليوم التاني بتسألك أخبار الخروجة إيه؟

نكمل سوا المرة الجاية!

آية-

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في حياة كل واحد مننا ناس إستغلالية كتير، منهم ناس انت بتكون واثق إنهم عاوزين مصلحتك، تانيين بتكون كلك ثقة إنهم مش عاوزين مصلحتك لكن مش لدرجة إنهم يضروك. في فئتين واحدة منهم بيكونوا سلبيين يعني ملهومش دعوة بيك، رحت أو جيت مش فارق معاهم. في ناس مش عاوزين مصلحتك وبيضروك وفي منهم تانيين مش هيضروك.

الأهم من ده كله إن في وسط كل مجموعات الناس دي ناس إستغلاليين! حتى في الناس اللي انت بتقول إنك متأكد إنهم عاوزين مصلحتك تماماً! الفرق الوحيد بين الناس دي كلها إنهم مش دايماً بيكونوا مباشرين في إستغلالهم. بعضهم ممكن يستخدم الإيحاءات عشان يزرع عندك فكرة عن حاجة معينة هو عاوزها منك. ممكن يقولك كلمة معينة أو إنه يعمل نفسه بيتكلم عن موضوع معين فيه المصلحة اللي هو عاوزها منك. الغرض من الوسيلة دي هي إنه يحسسك إن الموضوع كله فكرتك انت!!!

هو مطلبش منك مباشرة لكن انت عرضت الموضوع وبما إنك عرضته وهو له مصلحة فيه مش معقول هيرفض! في الغالب لحد لما تدرك إن الشخص ده أخد المصلحة دي من وراك هتكون فاكر إنك عملت خير في الشخص ده.

قد تكون فكرة سوداوية بس في الواقع، ناس كتير جدا قد تظهر إنها عاوزة مصلحتك لكن في الواقع هي عاوزة المصلحة اللي ورا مصلحتك!

آيــة-

“You know how when you’re always depending on yourself, you’re living a one-person act show, others can step in every once in a while but mostly it’s just you. You become utterly and completely dependent on yourself, especially when it comes to handling emotional or psychological issues. You’re so dependent on yourself that you might not actually see any stretched-out hands offering help.

It’s so hard to share the responsibility you know, like someone would literally have to snatch things from you to let you know that you’re not alone. It takes huge understanding and it can get uncomfortable at so many levels. Previous experiences in life hold a position here as well, like from your earlier endeavors you learned you can only depend on yourself. Even the people who are always there, are not really, because everyone is busy in their own lives as you become involved in your own as well. There’s another thing that when you become so dependent on yourself, you feel like you don’t need others as much, even those closest to you.

One thing quite common in such cases is alternative reality, when you create characters of your own imagination to be there for you when you need them. You control all the variables and characteristics of those imaginary people around you. I actually studied with an imaginary friend back in college, were the best times ever. Somehow I can’t help but wonder if this whole thing is a defense mechanism to avoid human dealings!

Sharing is caring they say, it’s not easy I say. It requires to have someone in yourself who is so patient that they would go to arm’s length if it would help you understand. So many times, things fail and it’s that splitting feeling inside you, how to not be disappointed to the point of giving up. I mean, you still have yourself on which you depend. So, it’s almost like yeah I know you’re there for me and you’re here to stay but it doesn’t mean I will frail without you!

Insecure much?!”

-A

They say it doesn’t matter how much you’ve seen in your life so far, there’s still much more to come. Through everything I’ve seen so far though, in my years of not merely living but interacting with the world and people around me, I can talk expressly about one thing.

Duplicity! Some might it call it the faces of a character, how each person you meet doesn’t just have one face or mask. In fact, everyone has multiple masks and the one they wear in front of you is probably one of many. Though this thought has become acceptable in our society that no one cares about it anymore, they might complain about it tirelessly but they’ve accepted it either ways.

The duplicity I mean is between you and yourself. Yes, it’s something that close to you, you might not even notice it. I’m out with a friend talking about our hopes and dreams, what situations we’ve been through, what we’ve learned and we start to form an idea about each other. This idea is emphasized by dealing with each other though life. Are we going to still be the same friends? Are our ideas about each other going to stay the same?

A bit by bit you start to pick up on stuff they do or say, stuff that are a complete contradiction of not only your idea of them but also to what they say about themselves. You find an excuse for them even when these situations should’ve been an alarm. They keep coming at you, the thing is they’re all little situations that can easily go unnoticed but when you do notice them, they become hard to ignore.

And then BAM! Something huge happens and you can’t contain it, your mind starts to go back to all the little things you ignored and know you shouldn’t have ignored them. What comes more shocking is that they have no idea of what they’d done. They don’t see anything wrong and even when you try and talk to them, they don’t accept it. It happens a lot nowadays, when your heart doesn’t feel your friend is true to you anymore. Yes, you still have things in common but the fact they can’t just own up to what they did and try to understand, pushes you away all the time!

I believe we are most true when we are alone by ourselves, when we confess to our faults or not, whether we own up to them or not, that is only for us to know!

-A

Though the word seems to say everything about itself, there seems to be hidden meanings to it every time I look around. We’re all known to perform better under them, they seem to put us in standby mode for everything and anything, adrenaline spikes up to its most possible level preparing us for the surprises that lay ahead. Some can keep matters under wraps and seem all cool and have everything under control while others seem as if they were stuck on the highest top in the world with the fear of heights! They are called Deadlines!

Having something that is pushing you to get things done always pushes you to reach your limit. That is understandable, it’s even exciting when you supposedly love what you’re doing and the deadline is keeping you on the top of the game. In a way, we can say deadlines can be cool, in a strange, twisted kind of way!

But what if you’re a stress junkie? Like you literally can’t work well unless you’re under stress. When your boss is annoying and keeps asking you to finish this or that, then you are working perfectly, stressing-out about things but you’re doing your job. You even try to benefit from the time you have left in your day to compensate for the grueling work.

On the other hand, when your boss is not trying to put you through hell, merely asking you to finish your work and trusts your sense of duty. You seem to slack, trust me, having a bad boss can make you do more work while a good one can make you relax and possibly put some work aside if they don’t mind.

What if you’re addicted to this feeling of stress? Like having life being nice to you, even if there are some matters that aren’t well, but you’re relaxed and there’s no one pushing you around, you don’t seem motivated to do anything.

Could it be that your self-motivation system is not as solid as you thought? You fell into a rut and in dire need to change how you motivate yourself? Does a train have to be on your heels to get you to finish your mundane tasks?

Stress, what have you done to us?!

-A

“The most famous rule of the universe is supply and demand, “asking” and “taking” so to say. While this perfectly works with material stuff, this rule does not abide by rules of the soul or those of the heart. Supply and demand mainly state that when there’s demand on something in the market, the providers thereby try to supply it. The demanded material gets its value not from the need to feel to acquire it, rather from the amount of money used to obtain it.

When you “demand” someone’s attention on the other hand, “supply” might not always be satisfactory. Because then you would be paying for this attention with your feelings and well-being. The value of matters such as love, devotion, attention, care etc etc…. is so high that there’s no suitable price for them more than a piece of your soul.

The shattering of your heart when you beg someone’s attention is the price you had to pay for begging. The shrinking feeling in the pit of your stomach when you are treated by those you love as ordinarily as anyone else is the result of the pressure you put upon those who needn’t you in their lives. When someone says they won’t leave your side but they forget about you for a long time and don’t respond to your desperate messages, don’t ask for their attention. They didn’t give it by themselves in the first place, what makes you think they would give it when you’d asked for it? You’d only be humiliating yourself! Not to mention that it wouldn’t have the same effect it was supposed to have, it will feel less no matter how much it was given. It will be meaningless!

One last word, when words contradict the actions. Believe the actions, they speak louder than words.”

-A

“It is said around that your life is your choice, the decisions you make and their consequences will only be borne by you. So, you have to choose wisely!

But has it ever occurred to you that the same people who preach this “independence” hypothesis are the same people who keep wagging their noses into your business trying to push you to take this decision rather than that one? They might not say it outright in your face, they would recite stories about old events, “casually” pinpoint a situation that resembles yours or they might even directly ask you what you thought they should do about an incident identical to that you went through!

To fully understand the meaning of how only you will bear the consequences of your decisions, you have to know that you owe no one an explanation of what you’re doing. Absolutely no one! Some will say you might owe your parents or those closest to you, or if there are other people being affected by the consequences with you. If your decision affects only you, which is the case most of the time, then no one has the right to come up to you and demand an explanation.

Everything that’s happening with you now is the result of the previous decisions you’ve taken yourself, or decisions you let others take on your behalf. If you don’t like where you stand in life now and wonder how you got there, may be the answer is you weren’t taking full control of your life. May be you were living the illusion that you were doing what’s best for you, when in fact you were merely applying what others thought you should do without a second thought.

In general, your process of decision making is always affected by something or someone. It’s rare to free yourself from everything and everyone, only then will you make decisions purely of your own will. You have to detach, look at everything from an outside angle and decide what works for you and what doesn’t. What you feel convinced with and what you feel doesn’t suit you.

I think you are very lucky if you can detach like that, to skip the grip of anything and everything that might hinder your way of thinking.

It’s safe to say as well that people who make decisions purely by their free will are oftentimes persecuted by those around them. Some might even regard them as astray persons who lack guidance and sufficient respect for the experiences of those around them.

If you can confidently say that even when you seek to gather as many information as you can on a certain matter before making an important decision, that you will work out a version of things that suit only you. Then you have successfully reached your destination.”

-A